oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
