Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
