Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
