Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
