Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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