We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
