bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
