Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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