I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
