Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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