Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
