There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
