Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
