You can't special order awesome
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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