sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize