i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
