I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
