So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
