I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
