Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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