If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
