I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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