Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
