NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
