Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
