i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
