I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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