He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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