So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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