yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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