Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
