I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
