Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
