He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
