Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
