What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
