i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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