I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
