so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
be right there i have to get my cape
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
