I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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