You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
