he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
