Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
