Your dad touched me again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
