fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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