did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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