Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
