She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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