She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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