I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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