I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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