do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
