This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
