Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
