I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
