if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
