i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
that may or may not have been my penis.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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