I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
