last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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