Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
