Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
