I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
