i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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