her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How external is "for external use only"?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
