Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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