You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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