My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
