I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
